bitter slice of life

to commemorate yesterday, fuck.

Gah thanks so much for the advice guys.

i'm so bad when it comes to guys.

i feel like... hmm you know that girl in Clueless? the one played by brittany murphy (bless her soul)? yeah i'm even more clueless than her. waaay more. and i'm more easily embarrassed & flustered.

anyway, i had lunch/dinner with one of my friends today -- (linner? dunch?)

we talked about guys. we talked about The Incident That Happened in Grade 9. i apologized to her. she shook her head. she looked sad. we talked about guys some more. we ate our sushi rolls, and i slurped my beef udon. i tried to make conversation. she talked to me about people waiting for her in the Philippines. she's flying back tomorrow! 3 weeks in the place where she grew up. 3 weeks meeting up with old friends and family. amazing huh. she moved here when she was 11, so her childhood mainly takes place in the Philippines. she tells me she still emails and chats with her friends over there, and really i am so jealous because of that. i have never even heard from any of my friends from China. but i think the reason for that is because i was only 6 when i left for Canada. i didn't even know what 'email' was.. and Facebook didn't exist back then. at least... i don't think it did. anyway, after eating, i still wanted to talk to her, but didn't know what to say. we just sat down at a table in Mac's and tried to talk some more tho i felt as if we were running out of things to say to each other. i told her she should finish packing. we hugged at the intersection and i told her to have fun, let go of whatever happened in Canada, and meet as many new people (and old friends) as she can. we hugged again and i walked away and she crossed the road.

 i'm slowly trying to patch things up with her because i know things are awkward and fragile right now, even though we're both over it now. i just want her to know that i don't think it was her fault and i don't blame her or anybody. it was a little bit of everything, you know? a bitter slice of life.

she was saying how people were still talking about her short-lived relationship with this one guy that happened 3 years ago... how nobody believes her that they've broken up. to me, this is surprising because i knew that nothing really happened between them, and she had confided in me that they didn't do anything together that friends wouldn't do. but still, after all these years, people in her family, people who are friends with her family, and people who are within her community are talking about this one little moment of her life, and passing judgement and criticism even though they don't know the whole story, and making it to be a bigger deal than it ever was...

that just about proves that people can make anything last as long as they want, and that life doesn't ever forgive anyone easily.

i think i've written enough here so i'll leave you guys now! thank you again for the amazing advice and comments and yeah FUCK HIM or actually DON'T FUCK HIM because he's one perv that i will never see/hear/touch/smell/taste again.

tomorrow (well, today at 12ish/noon) i'm facetrading! i ordered 2 necklaces and a cute tiny tee with lots of kisses on it to make up for the few i wasted.

good night <3