overdue.

~Enter my giveaway!~

~Enter my giveaway!~

~Enter my giveaway!~

I really need a tripod. I can't just keep balancing my camera on the top of the stairs or random poles and shelves on the wall -.- Sighh, but it works for now.

So it was my birthday on Oct. 9. I didn't really celebrate it, what with midterms going on, and everyone's hectic schedules... There's literally no time to have a party. My family decided to just go out for a small family dinner, and I didn't even bring it up with friends (though I still got the gazillion standard Facebook birthday wishes and random acknowledgments). I feel kinda bad... I mean, it is my 17th birthday... and it should be special... But is it any different from my 16th? Or even my 15th? Hell no. I don't feel any different than I did when I first walked through the doors of high school -- that's right, I still feel like an awkward eighth grader, trying to navigate through life, cautious and hesitating.

I didn't get anything special for my birthday. And I don't begrudge my family for that. My parents have spent money on me since the day I was born, for clothes and food and payments for the house... Why ask for more? I think I've got a clearer mind now than I had before, when dealing with my family.

So maybe I have grown up a little. Just a little.

I still get loud, and I still get angry over little things... But being grown up means being able to hide our emotions better, isn't it?

xxx

~Enter my giveaway!~

~Enter my giveaway!~

~Enter my giveaway!~

little miss leo //

For the Leo presentations at assemblies this week, I wore my club tee! Yeah, Leo pride woooh :D (Same shirt... every day... for a week! Wow haha. I've never worn the same shirt twice, so this is a big accomplishment for me :P)

I am in the middle of replying to all of your lovely comments, so don't worry, I will check out all your blogs/comment back! <3 Thank you, my lovelies.

Update on giveaway: 211 followers right now -- almost there! I can't believe how fast it's been; I thought it'd be like another month or so hehe. It's like... wow. When I first started posting, I never expected anybody to actually read (and like) (and follow) my blog. I'm not that interesting, you know? I'm not rich, I'm not perfect; I like to rant about my problems... which must be really annoying to my readers. I'm not as knowledgeable in fashion as other amazing bloggers (just to namedrop a few: fashiontoast, hipstermusings, lulu) and I never really keep track of the trends, what's in and out, which designers are hot right now, stuff like that -- never even been to a fashion show... well, apart from the one hosted by a group of fashion college kids... doesn't count. So I'm really grateful and thankful to my lovelies for staying by my side; I wish I could show all of you how much I appreciate you <3 So yup... the giveaway should help with that dilemma :P

I found this old pic of me and my pal, E. so I just wanted to post it up on the blog:

Gr. 9, miss youu

Can't believe I'm graduating this year. I've already made plans with a friend to rent out an apartment on Robson. It'll be close to UBC, so I really hope we both get accepted, and find a roommate (rent is expensiiiive D: if there's 3 of us, it'll only be $600/month each). I feel so grown-up, it's terrible!

I still look like a 13 year old though. Pffft.
xxx

what a day (:

[edit: I've posted up some answers to your burning questions on my Formspring! I answered one about my decision to start a blog, and another on how I created my header!]

I slept at 6 am yesterday, and was woken up by a phone call from the public library at 12 noon. Then my bestie, Flora (whom you probably all know and love dearly -- but not as much as I LOVE HER :D) texted me to come help her dye her hair "golden brown".

I rushed over madly (i.e. took about an hour and a half to fully wake up, get dressed in something comfy, and put on makeup) with my work uniform in a Roots bag (work @ 4:30 - 9:30) and a pair of fake Converse upon my feet.

Here are a few pics of me trying to help her. In the end, she gave up on me and told me she'd do it. Lolz.

... and TADA, here we are:

... more importantly, here's Flora's new hair colour:

My outfit for church on Sunday (yes, I've been going to church again! surprising, n'est-ce pas?):

I bought these heart-printed shorts, alongside other items, from Crew Heaven (facetrading Facebook group) and was thoroughly disappointed when I received the batch. For one thing, a sweater I bought did not look anything like the model's sweater, and I feel as if I've been completely ripped off.

Also, the quality of this pair of shorts is terrible!

And though the shorts were only priced at $13, my own mother remarked that I could've gotten a better quality pair of shorts directly from China for about $2 Canadian = =

So yup, that is my Facetrading horror story. Okay, it's not so bad. From afar, the shorts look cute. Though the fabric is rough and cheap, at least it looks wearable. Sigh. I'm thinking of DIYing it a bit to make it a bit more tapered. Dunno how I will achieve that since I suck at everything DIYish.

I'm sending out my love to all you lovelies!
{{2 more weeks before school! I need to get started on editing my Extended Essay and reviewing Chem and Bio! Start the Stressed-Out-It's-School-Again countdown!!!}}

Lol, funny thing: Flora and I walked into Starbucks to get some coffee before I had to bus to work, and two of my classmates were there as well -- typing away on their laptops, across from each other on a table. Very hard workers, these two. Also, they're both Asian, but that's beside the point. (; Hehe, I can make Asian jokes. So it reminded me that I had a LOT of homework to complete before the start of school. AND I have to go and take my L test for driving soon! Will be v. v. busy... ):
xxx

I saw God today

I saw God today

He presented himself in the form of

Sweat upon my child-father's cheek

and the dirt underneath my grandmother's worn fingernails.

I saw God today, everywhere, everywhere.

He was the ant

crawling in the cracks of the sidewalk

The fly I crush easily with my thumb

The upbeat, trashy song playing repetitively on the car stereo.

I saw God

in the slanting moonbeams coming through my closed blinds

Their patterns of light playing upon my forearms and thighs like magic and beautiful realization

Tonight.

My mother can be such a bitch sometimes.
She's so blind she can't see past her nose -- no her short, stubby eyelashes.

 She barges into my room, my privacy that I've worked so hard for, breaking my trust and acting as if I am some criminal on bail. Yelling like she just caught me doing drugs or watching porn, not just typing up poetry on my laptop.
Doesn't she even care about anyone else?
Has she ever tried to apologized for anything sincerely?
She can be fake, she can be pretend-happy, she can be angry as hell for the wrong reasons, deceiving and manipulative, but never apologetic. I have never heard her utter the word "sorry" in my life, as of yet. I'm still waiting. Maybe when she's on her deathbed how many years from now, she'll accidentally spill a hot drink on my shirt and say "sorry" and then ignore me for the rest of her hospital stay until...
But not even that, I think.
It's sad that she's sitting in my room right now, trying to outlast me in terms of "staying awake". She's simmering with anger just sitting on my bed, glaring at me and watching me type this -- my way of trying to ignore her words. Of course she isn't really watching. She's going to fall asleep any second, because stupid as she is, she has work at 8 this morning, so really, she should be the one in bed right now.
Funny thing is, I probably would be asleep right now if she hadn't thrust open my door with full vengeance to criticize and insult me.
Do I feel bad about saying this about her?
She's said worse about me. This is what I learn from my parents. The ability to insult and yell at people. How amusing, eh.


I looked over to my bed, and yes, she's gone. It's almost surprising. I thought she would've lasted longer this time. Last time, I let her win. Not anymore. Two can play at this game.


Does this make me a bad person?
I guess so.


But I bet what she was doing as she sat on my bed:
Praying.
Praying her little heart out, crying out to God to change me, to make me perfect, to make me submit to her every will, to scrape out my brain bit by bit until I am as obedient as a robot.
And how ironic is that, that she's willing to pray to a God she doesn't believe in about something as trivial as my bedtime? The fact that I can't -- WON'T -- sleep before 3 am in the summer. Who can? It's the summer. It's not as if I have school in the morning. I went to bed at 1 last night. Slept at 3:45.
Shouldn't she pray about her relationship with my father?
His business?
Has she ever supported him in anything? They're MARRIED, for crying out loud. Marriage does not break off every other day and have huge shouting matches with each other.
If they are going to act like crazies in the house, where Jenny, Jacqueline, my grandparents and I reside, please please get divorced so we can find some peace.


And to say, "What the fuck have you done this whole summer?"
And to not even hear my answer. That makes me as angry as hell.
To start arguing over every little thing, even when my grandparents and my baby cousin, Jacqueline, is right in the next room, a thin wall separating her loud voice and their quiet sleep (which is so hard to find when taking care of a 1 yr old baby), that is just wrong.
Too bad she doesn't ever believe she's wrong.


I didn't cry, but now I feel like it.
I hate how she makes me feel like crying.
I hate how she makes me want to hurt people.
How she makes me write shit like this and rethink every flaw in myself, every mistake I've ever made.


I hate how she treats me as if I'm disposable.


FUCK IT.


You know I spent a great day on Monday with one of my closest friends.
We finally got to talk and it was so carefree and wonderful.
Her parents are completely the opposite of mine.
It was so nice to just be part of a normal family.


And guess what:
Tonight kind of just ruins it.
Every time, I think she and I have patched things together, she goes ahead and does something unthinkable and hurtful to me, and I can't forgive her because... she never even has the courtesy to act apologetic.


I tell her I'm not perfect,
I tell her she's not perfect either
But I never have to chance to fully explain my words because her fat tongue can vibrate faster than mine and soon she's rambling on about what a bad person I am, how stupid and ugly I look just staring at her, how I'm going nowhere in life (I'm 16 for God's sake! where am I going? who fucking knows! all I want is privacy for now, all I want is hope, all I want is petty, material things, give that to me -- I'm not asking you to stop a war for me, I'm asking you to give me peace and letting me feel good and happy with myself for even a few days), how I'm so irresponsible and unthoughtful, how I bring this family down.


Reminds me that no matter what -- I cannot change this family
Not me;
Nothing I can do
but wait for them to change their ways
or for me to move out at the end of this school year


I just need to get out.


I feel so normal when I'm out with a good friend
or when I'm dressed up all pretty
or when I'm smiling at strangers I don't know
because then they might think that I'm happy and normal like them.


Tonight was a good night. I was happy.
Now I'm not.
How fleeting happiness can be?
Even simple contentment is so easy to be broken.
How when I finally accept that my parents are not perfect
She gives me more reason to hate her.
I used to think my father was the one who ruins everything.
Now I think she is.
She enjoys conflict. Control.


I'm still up and listening to music.
This is how I am at certain times of the year.
Things happen.
I feel good, then things happen.
Then I feel bad.
Fucking bad.


How can I feel good again?

HAPPY ONE YEAR BLOGVERSARY XXX

Here is the promised Lady Gaga music vid! I assure you that I'm not a professional dancer, nor a profresh lip-syncher either hehehe (; It was so much fun to make, but I'm sorry that the outfits are not as grand or shiny or outrageous as Gaga's! After the fourth or fifth outfit change, I gave up! I don't know how celebrities do it.

There IS a heartfelt vlog to my wonderful readers at the end, so if you'd like to save me from humiliation, just fastforward. If you'd like to watch my obscene dance moves, just let the video play.

Moving on.
Did you notice my punctuation and grammar?! Something's wrong with me, I swear. I have this itch to write something, but have lost all faith in myself in regards to literature. And do you know the last book I checked out from the library? (Do you even want to know?) (Probably not -- it's horrible, that's all.)

Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side.

What is wrong with me?!
I have been taken hostage by ... by teen vampire romance! I told myself to never fall into that hole but here it is. I finished that book in one sitting, throughout the afternoon, and at the end, I actually thought to myself: "Wow that was good".

WHAAAAT?

Another thing I'm freaking about here:
JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT IS DATING LUCY LIU?!
No. Way.

(I have an actual reason to be freaked out by this, yes?)
(I know freaking out about reading a teen vampire romance novel is... is... TERRIBLE. JUST TERRIBLE. The whole genre, that is.)

Oh. Whatever.
It's just a book.
And the Joseph x Lucy thing is just a rumour.
But still.

Hey... All these capitals and correctly spelled words look so nice on this page. (: Cool.

Alright. I think that will be all.
Here's a vlog.

<3

I will be a better blogger, promise.

Oh, and one last
HAPPY ONE YEAR BLOGVERSARYYYYY!

PS. Stay tuned for a vlog about something personal that, I'm sad to say, affects me and about 99% of the teen demographic EVERY DAY. Yeah. I'm being all dramatic. Deal.

bitter slice of life

to commemorate yesterday, fuck.

Gah thanks so much for the advice guys.

i'm so bad when it comes to guys.

i feel like... hmm you know that girl in Clueless? the one played by brittany murphy (bless her soul)? yeah i'm even more clueless than her. waaay more. and i'm more easily embarrassed & flustered.

anyway, i had lunch/dinner with one of my friends today -- (linner? dunch?)

we talked about guys. we talked about The Incident That Happened in Grade 9. i apologized to her. she shook her head. she looked sad. we talked about guys some more. we ate our sushi rolls, and i slurped my beef udon. i tried to make conversation. she talked to me about people waiting for her in the Philippines. she's flying back tomorrow! 3 weeks in the place where she grew up. 3 weeks meeting up with old friends and family. amazing huh. she moved here when she was 11, so her childhood mainly takes place in the Philippines. she tells me she still emails and chats with her friends over there, and really i am so jealous because of that. i have never even heard from any of my friends from China. but i think the reason for that is because i was only 6 when i left for Canada. i didn't even know what 'email' was.. and Facebook didn't exist back then. at least... i don't think it did. anyway, after eating, i still wanted to talk to her, but didn't know what to say. we just sat down at a table in Mac's and tried to talk some more tho i felt as if we were running out of things to say to each other. i told her she should finish packing. we hugged at the intersection and i told her to have fun, let go of whatever happened in Canada, and meet as many new people (and old friends) as she can. we hugged again and i walked away and she crossed the road.

 i'm slowly trying to patch things up with her because i know things are awkward and fragile right now, even though we're both over it now. i just want her to know that i don't think it was her fault and i don't blame her or anybody. it was a little bit of everything, you know? a bitter slice of life.

she was saying how people were still talking about her short-lived relationship with this one guy that happened 3 years ago... how nobody believes her that they've broken up. to me, this is surprising because i knew that nothing really happened between them, and she had confided in me that they didn't do anything together that friends wouldn't do. but still, after all these years, people in her family, people who are friends with her family, and people who are within her community are talking about this one little moment of her life, and passing judgement and criticism even though they don't know the whole story, and making it to be a bigger deal than it ever was...

that just about proves that people can make anything last as long as they want, and that life doesn't ever forgive anyone easily.

i think i've written enough here so i'll leave you guys now! thank you again for the amazing advice and comments and yeah FUCK HIM or actually DON'T FUCK HIM because he's one perv that i will never see/hear/touch/smell/taste again.

tomorrow (well, today at 12ish/noon) i'm facetrading! i ordered 2 necklaces and a cute tiny tee with lots of kisses on it to make up for the few i wasted.

good night <3

is somewhat annoyed :/

okay

i've just been on the worst first date ever.

1) when a girl says she doesn't want to kiss you, it probably means she doesn't want to kiss you
2) when a girl doesn't want to kiss you, and means it, you shouldn't try harder to kiss her
3) flattery will get you nowhere on a first date
4) okay so you have an awesome amazing car, and you look gorgeous but still that doesn't mean she's going to kiss you
5) touching her and wrapping your arms and legs around her is not going to make her kiss you/like you more
6) she will get annoyed at you because all she wanted was to hang out at your place and get to know you better cuz you met her 2 days ago and asked for her number
7) she will attempt to punch you/kick you where it hurts
8) she will ask to leave your place and yeah so you drove all the way down to her house to pick her up and now you're driving her back, but it doesn't mean she wants to makeout with you in the car
9) okay so you're leaving to play in a ball hockey tournament in toronto tomorrow and all you wanted was to have some fun to get psyched before you leave but still, she thought you just wanted to hang out and will not have your version of "fun"
10) continuously guilt-tripping her and saying "you have to be more open" and "i did all this for you" will not make her makeout with you!

i'm VERY annoyed actually. VERY.

jeez

i don't even know what else to blog about

because
this
sucks.

he's coming back in like a week but says since his brother is leaving for india, his parents will be more strict with him and won't let him go out as much so basically that's a whole month that he can't see me

okay so i think he's gorgeous and really nice
but he's just a little... focused on sex.

WHY?

also i'm a little suspicious. he keeps telling me to "trust him" but really i think he's saying "trust me and makeout with me now".

so a whole month...

should i keep seeing him?
will he even call me?
why do i care?

i'm PISSED off.

cuz i gave up my first kiss for a guy who kissed like a slobbery dog.

okay end rant, outfits:

info here and here

i'm pissed off.


okay oops forgot about some stuff to blog about cuz I'M ANNOYED


here you go:

strawberry souffle masque [SOOO YUMMY]

my bestie/lover (WHO I'M ON THE PHONE WITH RIGHT NOW CUZ I'M PISSED OFF AND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PAST FAILED BOY-LATIONSHIPS) and i went to go see Inception. AMAZING movie, GENIUS cast, and AWESOME plot line. i recommend everyone who's reading this still (THANKS) to go watch it.

well this is a weird pic. thanks floraaa <3 you are an awesome person and an amazing friend. no one else is like you. sometimes i forget that you are so amazing bc i'm so selfcentered. flora i feel like you're the only person i can talk to sometimes. so i love you for listening to me complain about a certain guy, certain friendships, life, and... well yeah i love you baby. thanks for reminding me that certain guys aren't worth it.

and lastly:

TOTD: call me only if you want a relationship, okay? not sex

love, sunny mimi chen

QUICKIE LETTER

hi guys! sorry for not replying to your comments yet. ):
i will! don't you worry. (:

via aspyringmachine

can you believe it's been a whole week since my last post? it's like... wow... what have i been up to this week:

- working @ hut of hell
- practicing guitar [well... not really. i've been procrastinating...]
- watching movies [remember, i have a whole list of them to finish watching! examples: 'boy in the striped pajamas', 'pulp fiction', 'billy elliot', 'heathers', 'being john malkovich', 'synecdoche, new york' and a whole bunch others]
- helping out with my dad's business [he rented a space in the Chilliwack mall, this tiny little building with about 15 shops and a food court with 2 places to eat; so guess who gets to sit in for him on days when he has errands to run? :/ it's a little tiring b/c we have to wake up at 8am and get going early, since Chilliwack is pretty far from where we live. and i have to stay at the mall until around dinnertime. sigh. i learned from last time: BRING A BOOK.]
- coping with my mother being back home [she flew back from China, and... well, she started yelling and screaming at my grandfather this morning... it really hurt me. my grandfather is a good person. both my grandparents are. they (my dad's parents) are so strong and powerful, even in the worst of times. it's just that... sometimes my mother can be completely inconsiderate of others, and she can make a bad situation worse... i think the house was more peaceful and normal with her gone.]

lately i feel a little detached from the world socially. i've got a lot to think about for the upcoming school year. i mean... SENIOR YEAR. it's big, it's huge, it's going to be tough. i need to rethink my friendships with a few people, how i present myself to others, and basically... i need to b e t t e r myself.

every year, i think:
- i'm going to be prettier
- i'm going to be smarter
- i'm going to be funnier
- i'm going to be accepted
- boys will like me more
- girls will like me more
- teachers will like me more
- i'm going to fall in love
- i'm going to grow taller
- i'm going to look my age [never happens. people still think i'm in elementary. hah. hah. not funny]
- i'm going to be less moody
- i'm going to be less angry and manipulating
- i'm going to find a best friend that won't backstab me/make me feel bad
- my family is going to be less dysfunctional
- my mother's depression will be cured
- my dad is going to get a real job
- so that the accumulating debt will be paid off
- so i can finally s l e e p at night

of course that doesn't happen.
but i'm working on it.
i'm thinking, by graduation, at least one of these things will be achieved.

good night, lovelies! need to sleep so i can wake up @ 8!
also, yes yes yes i will reply to all your amazing comments
because guess what?

i love you.

x

combinations combinations...

VLOG #4
[if you're not used to seeing me bleary-eyed and makeup-free, don't watch it. actually, watch it, but don't make fun of me.]

my sis and i got a home-facial for fun:

<- i really like this product. it actually heats up with water. pretty sweet. oh and did i mention you can get it at walmart for only $1.29?

i got two more: the peel-off masque and a strawberry souffle.

 and now we look like this:

 ...

just kidding (;

kay so here are some camwhore shots of me (i don't have any notable outfit pics to post, sorry)

and my sis is too young for camwhoring so there are none of her. she ran off afterwards to play Build-a-Bear online. WTF LOL kids these days.

I gotta bus to work soon. i don't rly like work. There are some new people there who are completely obnoxious and fake. I like most of the ppl i work with, thank god, but i can't stand the OFP (obnoxious and fake people). when they say things to me like "Oh you're so skinny, I'm jealous" I feel like throwing up over their Coach bags and false eyelashes... but that'll be too hard to do; I'd have to project the puke first onto their bags and then quickly swivel my head to aim at their face. Most of the time, i ignore them, but i can't appear to be too antisocial (b/c I don't want to get fired, for example), so of course I'll fake laugh at them -> "faughing" has never been so annoying. esp when i'm the one who's doing it.

The good thing is, most of them will be fired or they'll quit after a while.

If I wasn't so lazy, I'd apply for other jobs... = = But honestly, i've just gotten comfortable working at the Hut of Hell, no matter if it's about 98% hell and 2% faughing.

ONTO MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS:

DOUGLAS COUPLAND X ROOTS! [sure i don't shop there, but now i might]

My favourite Canadian author (Gen X, jPod, Miss Wyoming, Eleanor Rigby, etc, etc, etc!) is now teamed up with Roots for a clothing line. Two things I love the most, literature & fashion, have now been combined into one category of FULL OUT AWESOMENESS in technicolour.

The best part are the athletic jackets for men:

Yeah Canada pretty much rocks.

Alrightie then.

Later.

x

SHOUTOUT TO ANDY! here's another vid. I talk in this one :O

"what's the hairthing" you ask? read the post below to find out, my curious friends.

Sorry about the bad singing. I'll practice and warmup before the next vid =____=

anyway, here are some pics of my sis! (also requested by my dear Andy. she's demanding :D i love you, Andy!)

my sister, the acrobat -.-

OUTFIT:

http://lookbook.nu/look/798915-OVERDONE

THANKS FOR READING, LOVELIES.
SORRY FOR BEING SO NARCISSISTIC LATELY.
I'M FEELIN' DOWN, SO NEED TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL WORTHY AND PRETTY. ):
I'M SHAMELESS LIKE THAT...